— W. Crouse

The attacks..

…are continuing, last month I began having what could be described as ‘panic attacks’. They were severe and almost always happened on my drive home. To the point I felt like driving myself to the hospital the first couple, I felt as if I was having asthma attacks or something. When I was able to calm myself using deep breathing and visualization I realized that may not be the case. I spent a week or so analyzing what might cause them and got them fairly well under control by fighting them off at the onset.

I’m beginning to think there’s more to this though, and that’s unfortunate because I’d like it to just go away. I’ve decided to document an attack here (for future reference when I talk to my doctor again):

  • I’m driving, or not particularly doing anything useful. Mainly this seems to happen when I’m driving, specifically when I’m driving from work. Once it happened when I became abruptly angry about something, and once when sitting at work.
  • I might or might not be focusing on my breath.
  • I hit a point where my breathing feels labored, or shallow. Then I get a ‘butterflies in stomach’ sort of feeling (tingly) in my gut. I feel scared that my breathing is messed up.
  • Sometimes taking a drink of water or burping alleviates it temporarily.
  • If I try to take deep breaths it seems to help, but sometimes it makes me feel more exasperated for breath, I basically have to begin letting myself know I can breathe; if that makes sense. However chanting seems to help for some reason, and it doesn’t matter what as long as resonate the sound.
  • When I get home sometimes it’s hard to calm down. I do deep belly breathing and rooting and that definitely helps.

I’m at a loss. I have a follow up appointment with my doctor at the end of this month, he gave me a brief once over and asked me to describe what happened last visit. He stated that it did sound like “Panic Attacks” and he also listened to my lungs and did blood work.  He felt that if I could control this I shouldn’t go on any type of medication because it might just make aspects worse, I do enjoy being in full control of consiousness at most times so I agreed. He put me on a Vitamin D regimen because the blood work said I was deficient. I was ok for a couple of weeks, now it’s back.

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